~ Jyade Cythrawl ~ Ancient Legacy Press - Black Magic Market.com - The online Occult source for all things Dark

I am your holy totem - I am your sick taboo - Radical & radiant I'm your nightmare coming true -
Malignantly malevolent I am of divine descent ~ * kmfdm

Priestess of the Dead
The Damned
& the Demons

~ I am the bridge, the balance and the voice that connects all realms..

I've made a god out of blood
not superiority
I killed the king of deceit
Now i sleep in anarchy
~* KMFDM

Mystic, Author, Demonologist, Demon Priestess
Educator, Underworld Guardian

I am Everything & Nothing

This Demon priestess speaks for us..

Jan. 28, 2005 ~
Blood Stained Greetings and Demonic Hailz !

Following are some small bits and pieces of new material...and a small insight as to what I have been up to over the past 3 years..

I was baptized in Darkness long ago as Jyade. Jyade was taken below again to the safety of the icy grave.
She was torn apart in pits of Darkness, given wisdom, sanctuary, transformed and saved and now I have risen in her place,
although she and I are the same. I am stronger, calmer, not as violent, unsane, dead, yet alive - & much more wise
I am Baptized in blood and bile, sanctified through pain,I have roamed all the regions of Darknes as of late, I am a guardian in the land of Death,
I am a priestess of Hell. I am charged with Darkness and through Darkness I have risen again..

The winter ice fortress which held me captive in pits of deep Darkness is melting away.
I am no longer frozen solid - utterly bound. The ice which constrained my body slowly transforms into liquid diamonds, and now illuminates my new born face.

Phosphorescence on the Black horizon begins to glow, a gathering of demons readying the inverted gate.
I am still below the earth, I know where to find the caverns of ice and I hide from the light for I find my comfort yet within the silence of the terrible black night.
Speak to me if you will and I will listen but answer I may not. My veil of silence shrouds my form and often still shields my voice ..

True: Genuine; being real or natural; not imitation
To thine own self be true ~

If you know me, you know what black magic is all about...although it bears repeating:
'The destructive force is paramount in the teachings of black magic, but its purpose is to rebuild and to always replace the old with even better.' 'When something has accomplished its objective it must be torn apart or it can not be reborn and recreated in order to continue its purpose.'
I live by the energies that I write about so it is only natural that I have been utterly torn apart again and reconstructed.
The Winter Wind has taken my voice for a time once again. I have moved through the realm of experience, not needing to define things in words, but these experiences have created a barrier between me and the outer world. I have moved so deeply to my world within over the past years that I could barely communicate with others...even to this day.
Trivial communication - sometimes although a rarity. Arcane wisdom, rarely. What I am experiencing within my inner world and life in general are deeply meaningful, yet they evade description at this time. I am absorbed in my world, I move through my world- my existence, and was even sent to the lower realms of darkness. Even the true will have bouts of gross misconduct and are sent away to ther Nether realm in order to learn the hard way and to be open to new and terrible ordeals, which can only enlighten us by going through the pit,

or to be punished accordingly and then sent back upon your way. Banished from a few games, but still on the team.
I have been living, hating,loveing,learning, enjoying and suffer contentedly now,and more aware, and I enjoy my new bouts of well earned peace, tranquility - however fleeting they may be - while I can only watch, wait and build up vast amounts of energy until I am able to fully participate in the reality of others. I am under a veil of silence yet, and there’s not much else I can do other than accept it, write what I can, learn what I need to know and dance with the demons in my beloved Darkness.

You need to understand something important about all this, I ran willing into the arms of Darkness. I asked for sanctuary and metamorphosis. This you may know only comes through pain. Once again I longed dearly for the silence under the deep dark ice, the frozen solace in the terrible night.I wanted to run away.

My power lies in my silence. I needed to become inaccessible to all and this I did, even to myself.
The creative process stirs once more, my metamorphosis is being granted to me. I have been given more gifts, more experience, and something bizarre that I asked for a bit unwittingly and received in plenty. However I was lead to this disturbing chain of events, and now I know why - it's all a part of this mystical process, the path of spiritual black magic.
We can become monsters in the Nether realm, and that I had become, all for a purpose, but it was in the long run up to me to shed that monster skin, I had enough, and once I found my way up into the Sub Darkness all was working towards the purpose of such ordeals.
I need to be mindful of my monster Nether self, always watching now, trying to be more vigilant, for I do not want it back. We all have and need to meet, integrate and control that monster of a shadow self. It is not merely the shadow self, but the real primal animal that lurks beyond the surface of everyone! That is why we all have the makings of a killer, mad men and "Americas most wanted". This scary side of the shadow, if left untamed, or unlearned about and dealt with is the ruin of many. The killers and criminals etc. etc. It's not many that will come face to face and figure out what is going on, or what it all means. OR have the strength of mind to want to control it! And then live like one was supposed to.

What happens is this: people, including me, give in to this nether monster for a couple of reasons, maybe both combined. They give in to it because they think it's ok, however leery or not they may be initially, for it serves them some sort of deep mental, physical, or psychological purpose, and looking upon it with a twisted sense of self they try to rationalize it perhaps, or thinking they can take this "self" out and play nicely with it from time, of their own accord. Wrong I say, and this I learned by experience. It doesn’t play nice and it will take over sooner or later.
I, as others, said "hey take the wheel, you drive. This is cool". Man the toughest thing I ever had to do was to regain control of "my car". I’m not even kidding, it’s probably the toughest thing I have ever had to do to date. So then one becomes so accustomed to it, this new twisted reality, that it does in fact take over the regular person and become a normal life, existence. An existence of extremes and defects, no longer able to distinguish from right and wrong, or which way is up. Defects which need to be recognized and dealt with accordingly, for healing. The Darkness can heal us by tearing us apart. Another painful necessity.

Evil is a defect of character, a lack of perfection, and humans are the only ones capable of this. A defect means your somehow broken, imperfect, having flaws.

A real hard lesson to let a beast out and then to tame it, a challenge, now more balanced. How many can do this and be aware, finally, of what it is all about? Horrifying, yet an evil of necessity! And now I am basically cured, of things I was aware of and things buried deep, all were a hindrance to my work and to me, so the Nether taught me well and I have met the deepest of my shadow self. I went insane, I even attempted to murder someone, and a long list of other monstrous, unbalanced and not very in control or intelligent things.
Now I am almost fully cured (for now), yet ever aware. The shadow is always around, ready like a surgeon to fix, when we wander to far out of line, it’s spiritual cleansing time. But you come out, if you come out, a better and more balanced, experienced, healthy & a wiser person. There are so many poisons and sickness within the Nether realm. An abundance of ignorance, addictions,

Jyade; MP-5

murder, insanity, a plethora of malfunctions which discriminate not, and attack us two by two or four and more at a time. The more which attach themselves to you, the deeper shit you will be in. It's a grisly game that is played in the Nether regions of the Underworld. But in order to clean up, you have to get dirty first.
When we repress something, usually our deepest shadow, or our darkest wants or something within the unconscious, it will be back in some form. We need to embrace our shadow animal and accept and love it, then all will be healed and balanced out eventually. Demons, Darkness and Chaos are all in the same boat. They have all been buried deep, shunned, feared and ignored. Knowledge is power.

I do not claim to be nor am I above many of the things I have written about or commented on over the years, namely addiction, my share of blindness and blatant stupidity in my personal life. I am not perfect yet (besides, being perfect is way to much responsibility, don't want it) I am still alive - learning, and experiencing, as I am only 38 years old. I may be ahead of some people, equal to or behind others in my knowledge and experiences. I have stepped into a strange new part of my journey, yet it is an old and familiar part of my experience, and one I can not seem to escape for long.

I have learned a great deal over the years and have managed to write about it, even publishing one of my manuscripts already. However, writing about my misadventures has mainly helped me to organize my experience. I share my knowledge with you, but remember I am still not finished with my ordeals or learning processes. What I write, what I release ultimately suits my agenda (& that of the spirits of course)

I am a researcher, sort of a mystic mad scientist, and I need to experience, learn and understand it all. I can take any thing and rip it to shreds, any concept, I have to take it apart piece by piece, I want to learn how it works, how it fits together and if it's broken to put it back properly. Only then can I relate accurate wisdom and information based on my true encounters with all there is; the world and the arcane, joined as one, for there is never really any separation between the two, or so there shouldn't be. What happens on the inner manifests on the outer, this is what magick and real change are about, paying the price with and for knowledge. Spiritual psychiatry!
I am still in the beginning stages of my newest works, but it has been started, however not all is ready to be revealed. I tend to believe all of my work is intense and unique, but I was taken on a real ride this time, and I will wait until I think you may be able to understand and appreciate its significance.

Even the most skilled of black mystics can be overcome by the challenges, and sheer power of the Dark Divine and the Demons which reside therein. I love them all, I love my experiences and am thankful I didn't go to prison or end up permanently insane. It's all or nothing once you come this far, and you have to be willing to pay the price. I will continue on my dear dark path as usual and wait for my next brush with the fearsome Mother. I am who she is - her blood runs through my veins and this is my destiny.

Spirituality and the journey are introverted - turned or focused inwards. The mystical experience is beyond description, it is that which is ineffable. It is often quite difficult to relate in words ones mystical experience. Another key factor of true mysticism is the degree to which it changes a persons life.

Being dedicated to the path of Darkness means constant contact, change, self awareness, self examination, growth and pain which is a by product of dedication to the search for truth. It is being open to the challenges from them and others, having been exposed to the truth, one can not lie. This leaves one open to the criticism of others.
Most would take offense to challenge, it is in fact wearisome and takes it's toll but for those of us on the front lines of exposure to the public, letting the world into our words, minds, realities and truths often being painfully and openly prodded and picked apart, our honesty is richly rewarded by constant personal growth via these challenges.
Through introspection, research and being continuously in touch with our work- our mission- our souls, minds and our world, our intellect is expanded all the while keeping us in constant communion with the Gods. It assures us of successful growth. The entire process is one of constant purging, purification and understanding.

The journey is also stages of trial, tribulation and experience which are imperative for growth. Not everyone is called on such a journey but the ones who are and do not answer the call betray themselves- and the Gods. The ones which procrastinate will be sent to deeper realms of Darkness, this I know, for I did procrastinate and away I got sent, right into the Nether Darkness, not a pleasant realm, but one which offers us more experience come about in ways most unpleasant, and its easy to lost down there, so beware.

The journey and its stages are an awakening of many types and one is to the monotony of the false self and of being in the state of sleep. The call to the search for Truth is answered by taking an inward psychic journey as well as the journey through the dimensions of the Underworld.
This journey is cyclic, it continues as long as we continue our life and our search. We resurface to the outer world only to plunge back under again as necessary when we begin to stagnate, or when we need to add to our experiences, or when we grow complacent with our selves and our positions in life. We realize we have come to an end stage, much to our dismay, our knowledge and strength are put to the test. We fail, or so it seems, and we are pushed back into the waters of death to be reborn and reformed once more, wiser and stronger. The trip may seem dreadful and unwanted but it pushes us onward to new levels of experience, understanding, growth and expertise.

The purifying waters of chaos open up what may have been blocked channels of creative energy, teaching us the meanings, connections and reasoning behind the trials and terrors that we had to endure. When one sits back and gets comfortable with what Truth or the Gods have already revealed to him, his existence becomes inauthentic-stagnant and we need to be freed from ourselves once again. We need to recognize, accept and welcome the fact that our suffering and mistakes is what brings us our real growth, wisdom and success.

~end..

Trapped under ice
comfortably cold
I've gone as low as you can go
Feel no remorse
No sense of shame..

~* KMFDM

This was written before I unplugged from the whole world around 2002 or so.. but never posted. There were many reasons for my abrupt disappearance, and this had a hand in it as well.

It has plainly come to my attention (since this muck always manages to arrive on my front door step so to speak) that much to many people have placed the emphasis on material trappings and hype instead of arcane knowledge. (Why bother getting involved with the occult in the first place. Ah, to each his own I guess) Whether this is out of misinformation, young age or sheer disregard for the ancient path is unknown to me. A mixture of all I do suppose - Which is fine by me of course, I could care less what people occupy themselves with, its only when they break my doors down (cyber or other wise) do I take great offense at their ignorance.

Unfortunately to many get stuck in this mess. You know them probably, the ones who think they know everything. Or the cyber freaks with no life who write to me saying such nonsense as "you were not hard to find, the gods are displeased with you." Oh my gods, get a life, get a grip. These small minded people are a good laugh at best, but I don't need my corner of the world continuously crowded with such nonsense. True challenges I welcome from time to time, sheer stupidity I detest. Who has time for this sort of nonsense? And where do these fools find the time to write such idiotic letters? This includes the all knowing so & so's which hide behind their cyber space occult empires also and anyone else who fits the bill. Live and let live yes, but do it in your space, not mine.

The internet used to be interesting as a source of information and interaction but now I find it rather repulsive. I find myself in a predicament actually, it is unfair to refer to the occult in general in any of my statements. Rather it is the use of the occult on the internet as the be all to end all. It is the blatant, rampant idiotic use of it. Whether it is an organization or Joe Shmoe, I find the all important focus being placed on initiations, money, memberships, certificates, medallions, charms, spells, idiocy, greed, manipulation and domination. What happened to individuality? Originality. Quality. Everyone’s a mimic now. An expert on pure crap.
I dont know, I guess I've just had it with people in general. I find it amazing that anyone is out there listening to all of that garbage in the first place. I’ve been around long enough to know that I don't want to talk to anyone for to long really. There are some genuinely informative sites out there, and lovely people, it's just getting harder to find them in all the muck, but they are still around.

It sickens me to have to read the email sent by these misinformed young to middle aged and beyond misguided morons. I literally could no longer bear to have my space invaded by them anymore and unplugged myself from cyber space. I can't begin to tell you how wonderful the silence was over these past months. No one to harp at me over idiotic issues. Ah, silence is golden. If you dont like what is written on this site, then by all means go some where else! Its that easy! Leave me alone. It would take you less effort to click away from here then to write me an email. I don't want to hear any complaints anymore. I don't care. I have my own problems - plenty of them.

I, on the other hand, am True. That is another reason why I pulled out of the ol internet community for a while. I can’t tolerate the speed of internet communication at times. Anyone can reach out and fuck with you without giving the matter much thought now. Not like the old days of pen, paper and envelope, when idiocy cost the price of a stamp at least.
Alas, thank the gods for the delete button. I have been through the muck of life and I'm still trudging through it. I didnt just set up a website and publishing company to pass the time away. I didn't publish a book, or write a ton of other manuscripts because I have a big ego from doing nothing more than reading a lot of books or surfing the internet while on lunch break. I live with the spirits, I have experienced many facets of life, I have formed an intimate relationship with the spirit of Death, I play with Demons and call Chaos my Mother

Experience. I write about the things I have lived through and have experience with.
I am so engrossed by my journey once again, that I have little time if any to be in contact with others, be it friends or foe. I've basically shut everyone out for a time. I have spiraled to the world within once again, I needed complete silence.

Jyade & Joey Jordison (Slipknot/ Murderdolls)

My story is based on true experiences and they certainly are not expressed for and by the expectations of others. My path takes me to many strange places, I am always growing, changing and retaining the important aspects that I have learned and assimilating it into the new situations that I encounter. I am an explorer, of this world, the human mind and the spirit world. I do not cater to the whimsical needs or demands of the public or general opinion. If I were to do so, I would be no better than the rest, and I wouldnt be able to travel to where I need to be. My life is a true adventure, I never know what will happen next! I wouldn't change a thing. Everything I have gotten involved with has been to suit myself, my needs, my mind, my journey through life, not because it was popular or cool, uncool for that matter or to gain some sort of acceptance. I follow my bliss. I am also not a door mat for religious freaks and the all knowing Grand occult so & so's. For these I say, get a life and follow your own bliss, tend to your world and reality and let me to mine in peace.
I can only tell you the truth, anything other is not even an option, about myself, my life and my involvement with the spirits. I have nothing much to hide anymore. You can accept the truth or deny and hide it - mine, yours or anyone else's. I’m to old and tired to lie or play games, I try to tell it like it is, also part of being true.

Continued on next page

They can not end this mourning of my life. I know how the gods kill.

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